DoveCote

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

image

(via prettypiexes)

Judgment

alterniashermits:

cotestuck:

You shake your head, combing your talons through his oily hair and pressing a gentle kiss against his too-soft skin.

"Neverr goonna happen. Yoou’rre stuck with me." you purr softly against his nearer ear.

You throw your arms around her shoulders in response and cling.

"Thank you," you say weakly. "Thank you. I’ve been alone so long, I…"

You wrap all of yourself around him. Arms, legs, tendrils… wings.

Tempting as it was to hug him tight, your grip remains tender and gentle.

"I knoow, prrescioous. I knoow." you coo soothingly with out moving your warm, soft lips away from his ear.

"Noo moorre."

Judgment

alterniashermits:

cotestuck:

"When I oofferred too be yoourr Auspistice, did yoou think I woould just stoop after this?"

You ask, ears up and soft blue eyes sober and deeply loving.

"Oh," you say as you finally process the past tense. "Well, maybe I did thought you’d want to stop."

You sigh softly and haul yourself into a sitting position on her lap before resting your head on her shoulder. “I’m glad you didn’t, though.”

You shake your head, combing your talons through his oily hair and pressing a gentle kiss against his too-soft skin.

"Neverr goonna happen. Yoou’rre stuck with me." you purr softly against his nearer ear.

Judgment

alterniashermits:

cotestuck:

You don’t argue with him. It would have read more like a lie than the comfort it was meant to be.

"Then I can help yoou foorrget." you offer, gently tracing the tip of your nose along his.

Already the curious extensions of your gentle soul were seeking ingress underneath his skin to wrap him in warmth and comfort.

You doubt it’s really sunk in yet, but you have to ask.

"Hoope claiming yoou as a coo-adrrant wasn’t ooverr stepping boounds…"

You nuzzle your nose against hers, sighing a little as you let her extensions in. Though you fed on negative emotions, it didn’t mean you liked feeling them.

Then she mentions claiming you. You open your eyes. “What… do you mean?” you ask.

"When I oofferred too be yoourr Auspistice, did yoou think I woould just stoop after this?"

You ask, ears up and soft blue eyes sober and deeply loving.

Judgment

alterniashermits:

cotestuck:

You try not to be so visibly relieved by the change. He’s still Callis regardless of his appearance, and you hope your failure to flinch at his actual body came as some semblance of comfort.

"Changing hoow yoou looook dooesn’t make yoou any less My Callis." you purr, leaning don to rest your forehead against his.

"Doo what yoou need too see too yoourr oown coomfoorrt."

You are not surprised, insulted, or disappointed by the fact she found your true form disturbing. You would have been shocked if she hadn’t.

"I’d rather be as close to how I originally was as possible," you say. "I’d rather forget I’m disgusting."

You may as well say it like it is.

You don’t argue with him. It would have read more like a lie than the comfort it was meant to be.

"Then I can help yoou foorrget." you offer, gently tracing the tip of your nose along his.

Already the curious extensions of your gentle soul were seeking ingress underneath his skin to wrap him in warmth and comfort.

You doubt it’s really sunk in yet, but you have to ask.

"Hoope claiming yoou as a coo-adrrant wasn’t ooverr stepping boounds…"

Judgment

alterniashermits:

cotestuck:

At worst, your soft blue eyes just look sad while his body does its version of knitting itself back together. the smooth back curves of your talons graze gently over his scalp, combing the tips through what little remains of his hair.

"Noo. I see yoou moorre as soome oone I loove noow than just a HoorrrroorrTerrrroorr."

Even though she does trust you now, your true form is still not something you particularly like. You return to the form of a grimdark Debsen.

"I appreciate it," you say, resting your head back on her shoulder. "So you won’t mind if I look this way instead of the way I really am, will you?"

You try not to be so visibly relieved by the change. He’s still Callis regardless of his appearance, and you hope your failure to flinch at his actual body came as some semblance of comfort.

"Changing hoow yoou looook dooesn’t make yoou any less My Callis." you purr, leaning don to rest your forehead against his.

"Doo what yoou need too see too yoourr oown coomfoorrt."

Judgment

alterniashermits:

cotestuck:

"Naturre oof the beast." you reply dismissively, referring to your psionics rather than the literal beast with whom you tenderly cuddled.

"I knew exactly what I was getting intoo when I offerred too be yoourr Auspistice." you assure him, tilting his chin up to give him a soft kiss, not seeming to mind the way the broken wire gouged your face.

You return the kiss but back off quickly before the wires start fusing together again. You wouldn’t want anything to get stuck in them.

You look aside. “You don’t seem to mind me eating off you as much this time,” you note.

At worst, your soft blue eyes just look sad while his body does its version of knitting itself back together. the smooth back curves of your talons graze gently over his scalp, combing the tips through what little remains of his hair.

"Noo. I see yoou moorre as soome oone I loove noow than just a HoorrrroorrTerrrroorr."

Judgment

alterniashermits:

cotestuck:

You cross your legs under you, giving yourself more of a lap before gathering him gently into it with his cheek against your chest.

"I think he has a betterr underrstanding noow, if it helps. Wasn’t yoourr chooice too be what yoou arre."

"Knoowing it effects me just as much rreally hammerred it hoome, I hoope."

"I’m sorry about that by the way," you say, getting yourself comfortable in her lap. "I didn’t really think that it might hurt you as well. I didn’t think it through particularly well."

"Naturre oof the beast." you reply dismissively, referring to your psionics rather than the literal beast with whom you tenderly cuddled.

"I knew exactly what I was getting intoo when I offerred too be yoourr Auspistice." you assure him, tilting his chin up to give him a soft kiss, not seeming to mind the way the broken wire gouged your face.

Judgment

alterniashermits:

cotestuck:

You sigh softly, slumping to the floor next to your Ashen. 

Pleased though you are that the encounter between the two of them ended as well as you did, you’re still exhausted and grateful to the Terror beside you for continuing to feed off of you.

Your nearer hand reaches to gently stroke his back. Able to feel them just as well as you could your own, you occasionally trace the length of his darker tendrils.

"Are yoou satisfied?" you ask him, gentle and sober with out any hint of accusation.

You’re silent for a long moment, then nod.

"Still sad, I suppose," you admit. "But I didn’t expect this to help that. I just wanted him to understand what he did."

You lay your head on your arms. “I don’t think there’s much that can help the sadness.”

You cross your legs under you, giving yourself more of a lap before gathering him gently into it with his cheek against your chest.

"I think he has a betterr underrstanding noow, if it helps. Wasn’t yoourr chooice too be what yoou arre."

"Knoowing it effects me just as much rreally hammerred it hoome, I hoope."

The Troll-Silence

doctormothoid:

cotestuck:

doctormothoid:

He grins and shows you the sketchpad.  There’s a light, pretty looking dress on it, which seems proportioned exactly to your body, but it’s reinforced so as not to tear easily, and built so that you could fight in it.


"Didn’t know what kind of weapon you used, but you probably sylladex that anyways.  What do you think?"

Her ears stood up again. Warily, the tiny troll woman inched forward until she was just outside easy arms reach.

Hesitantly, she reached to touch the sketch.

"Nevah used any b’for t’night…"

"Well, if I knew what it was, I’d have worked it in.  As it is, I put knife pockets in the sleeves.  Knives are kindof all-rounders, right?  I don’t really fight myself."

He passes you the sketchbook for closer examination.  A flip through it would reveal it to be full of sketches for all kinds of different outfits.

"What happened tonight, if you don’t mind my asking?"

You flip through, nodding somewhat numbly. It takes some time to get up the voice to answer him, and the lump in your throat is too big for you to speak any louder than a whisper.

"He was all I had…."